Some times I miss being a teenager, not a kid, but a teenager. Between 17-20. When you have some basic responsibilities but nothing serious. Pay for your gas and any entertaining activities, maybe some insurance. You can go out on the weekend and blow your money and it doesn’t matter. If you struggle mom and dad may help you out, or you just wait out till that next paycheck. You’re not worried about losing your house or your car, you just might not be able to go bowling or to the movies.
It was just a simpler time, you have no serious financial woes when you’re that young. But you can also enjoy the monies you have earned. Not anymore. I’m not ever looking to be extremely wealthy, not that I would complain, it would be great for no one in my family to ever want. But that’s not my path.
I would prefer to be comfortable.
I would like to reach the end of the month and not be nickel and diming myself to the next paycheck. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, there are people way worse off than me, and I am thankful for what I have. I am lucky enough to have an education, a decent paying job, a vehicle, a fiance who I love eternally, and also our recently financed house.
But sometimes I feel we are house poor, and this has to do with our bills, and others that we help. Family is family, always.
I know we will get by and we will always shuffle things around and make it work, our parents did it, it can be done. Everyone just wishes they didn’t have to. I have aspirations or dreams that some day I hope to reach, but sometimes dreams are just wishful thinking. Not saying they won’t happen, if I want them to they will.
I hope to move up in my job, to advance, it’s not easy, there is not much room for me to move in my job, because it’s a small department that doesn’t exist anywhere’s else in the state, so who knows.
I didn’t expect life to hit so fast, it hit hard when we took in a friend and her kids, you know, had to step up to make sure they were ok, but still wasn’t my family, in the end wasn’t my problem, I just tried to help. But it seems buying a house brings the rest of life down on you. I love our house and am so grateful to Emily’s father and his help with us getting it, it’s awesome and I can’t see ever going back to apartment. But it’s taking on a lot, more than I knew, and perhaps more than I was ready for.
If I learned anything from my father is that life is a monkey, a monkey that likes to throw shit, and you got to wipe off the shit and keep going. I have very slippery shoulders, it’s the only way to make it in life. Life is an uphill battle.
I just miss being a teenager, next year I turn 30, and it’s the year I hope to get married and shortly after that start my family.
Am I ready? Can we handle it? We can’t nickel and dime a child.
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